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12 August 2009

A hard mix

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I had the camera outside this morning to shoot some of DH's paintings before he frames them up and takes them on the road to a few upcoming art fairs -- actually, he de-framed a couple so there's some re-framing going on.  Anyway, the hydrangeas and balloon flower were blooming up a storm right behind me and I trained my lens on them, too.

I played around with this image a bit in Photoshop.  I added a layer with another image, applied a mask and used a brush to reveal certain parts, adjusting opacity along the way.  Then I duplicated the layer and played around with opacity some more and also changed the mode of the layer to something called Hard Mix.

It's that kind of day today.  My sister's cancer has spread, the diagnosis has changed some... layers, masks, brushes, opacity, mode... a hard mix.

I'm pretty much at a loss for words except for ones like shit, damn, fuck, crap, cancer sucks, shit, damn, and fuck again.  And I'm a little bit numb.  I'm focusing on the little things, simple tasks and right now that is to find something beautiful, find some joy, find something happy -- find a smile -- everyday.

Comments

There are no words mean enough for cancer. After my dad got sick, I began to live by a new mantra: it's the time you have, not the time you want. It makes it easier somehow.

I've been sitting here in shock trying to find the right words to say to you, for you. The mind is either blank or filled to over capacity with emotion and desire to take some of your pain away. The beauty you create through your photography, the focus of creation and the details you capture fill my emptiness with warmth and joy. I pray it does something the same for you. I'm here to listen anytime and will give anything I can to help you through.

Suck - the cancer sucks. Hang in there. Breathe.

Those are the perfect words for cancer. My heart goes out to you and your family, I'll be thinking of you all.

Those are the only words to say. Loudly and often.

I can only say words to you like, "I'm so sorry...you
and she will be in my thoughts...take care of yourself..."

I'm so sorry.

Sucks indeed. I'm sending good thoughts, for what it's worth - the good thoughts of a complete stranger, to your sister and your whole family.

I am so sorry. Good advice from others. Hang in there. I'll be thinking of you.

I'm so sorry. I wish you all strength & courage!

I feel your pain. Those sound like good words for cancer. I don't have great words to console, so here come some cyber hugs via the internet -- *hugs*

I'm sorry she has to deal with this. I'm at a loss of words too.......but I think you had some pretty good ones there..... Hold tight --- prayers being sent your way.....

Well, that just really stinks. My heart goes out to you, your sister, and your family.

Shit.

I'm so sorry....

My thoughts are with you. My sister, too, has been battling cancer and so often there are no words except those you say to Him.

That is such hard news to receive, Vicki. Big hugs for your sister, you, and the rest of your family. Your look for joy or beauty each day is heartening.

I feel like I've been numb for the last year, since JR's diagnosis and surgery. He's doing well, no cancer cells, but it has changed our lives in such a way that the four letter words aren't descriptive enough.
Praying for your family.

oh VIcki, what to say? thinking of you..

Way behind in my blogs as usual and I saw your post. I am thinking of you and your sister Vicki (I understand only too well how surreal and scary this shit is). Your passion for life is what helps you to live well and live with courage.

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