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27 October 2006

Twist and shout

Dsc08777 Dsc08778

That would be a singular twist, but multiple shouts.  Yeah, baby, I'm happy with it!  While Jayme kindly pointed out in the comments yesterday that I was still technically knitting a moebius, even with multiple twists, it wasn't working as the intended cowl -- too twisty.  I really liked how the colors were working in the first version, and with the addition of more stitches, it's pooling a bit more in the new -- and I still like it.  It's different, but I like it.  The blues, especially, seem much more intense when they're all together -- this color of Handmaiden Ottawa, "Ottawa Forest," still makes me think more of water than woods, though.  I hope to have this finished over the weekend.

The weekend.  I'll be recovering yet from last weekend -- with the chaperoning of Maddy's Halloween party in between.  That's a tradition begun by Ali that I wish we'd never started, but there you go.  A girl just wants to have fun.  I worry a little more every year and can let myself be carried away by all the possibilities for disaster.  Fun, they just want to have good, clean, scary fun... and chips and candy.

I have a few ABC-Along letters to catch up on, and a lot of packages of various sorts to pull together for the mail.  It just occurred to me today that my best friend's birthday is Monday -- and mumble mumble mumble on its heels.  There could be trick-or-treating on Sunday -- and I am not prepared!  I don't even known whether that's happening on Sunday or Tuesday in my area.

PMS musings (with little fiber) after the break...

Fair warning about this next part -- I'm not sure where it's going to go, but it probably won't have much fiber content.  I'm in a spectacularly weird place emotionally right now -- right this very minute.  PMS, in my case, must stand for Peri-Menopausal (p)Sycho, complicated by huge swells of self-doubt and recurring waves of inadequacy -- the eruptive break-out, especially on my nose, and backache last weekend, as well as extreme fatigue this week (more than usual, even taking into account a big trip), all makes sense now. I am experiencing menstrual bleeding -- if you can even call it that -- for only the third time since Michael's accident.  Weird how my brother's accident has become my measuring stick for my menstruation, but it has.  I'm sure it has to do with my SIL (SHIT! her birthday is Thursday!) and how close in age we are and our similar "position" in life, which also happens to be the topic du jour whenever we speak.

I should be taking tinctures and supplements -- vitamins, at least -- trying to settle these hormones and emotions.  I should be reading all the latest info, arming myself with knowledge and facts and figures and timetables.  Oh, god, I just hate that stuff.  I try and try and try -- I buy this, subscribe to that -- but I just can't read it.  And why is that?  Is that saying something about me and how I see myself, how I care for myself?  Do I care for myself?  Am I paying attention to the important things?  Am I just complaining and bitching to hear myself... roar?

Am I going nuts?

I had a really, really good time at Rhinebeck (meaning the whole weekend).  I had a blast with my traveling companions and roommates couldn't have asked for a better hostess or more fun and fiber -- but I'll tell you, I was so completely overwhelmed a couple of times at the hotel and at the fairgrounds that I nearly imploded.  I couldn't do the meet-up.  A couple of people sought me out in the Artichoke French line, I gave an extra one to Carole as I walked through the throng, snapped a picture from the other side, walked back through and said hello to Stephanie while admiring her shawl, and maybe to someone else, and then I beat it big-time for a barn.  I had a hard time at Carole & Laurie's "Winebeck," too.  I really wish I could have enjoyed the socializing more, spread my wings a little.  The beer helped a little, but I needed more... help or beer, either one (except that I pay too big a price the morning-after with the beer these days).  This blogging thing can be a little weird, you know, and the meeting up can just kind of blow my mind sometimes.  Putting a name and face, a complete body and more rounded personality together with a blog is so weird -- both ways.  We know so much about each other, and yet so little; it's super freaky.  I'm a little disappointed that I didn't try harder.

But I guess that's why there's a next year.  ; )

Comments

Um, perhaps you are a bit of an introvert (as is a majority of the population)? We need a space of time to recharge between such large doses of otherpeople stimulation. The extroverts need a time of otherpeople stimulation to recharge after large doses of solitude. What you are feeling, and what I have read about in other post-Rhinebeck blogs this week, is one reason (the others being time, distance, and dollars) that I may never *do* Rhinebeck. To quote multiple bloggers, it's just too much. Too much fiber, too many wonderful people, too much everything, all crammed into one weekend.

Mother Kat's advice: sleep and withdraw and recharge as much as you need to. We readers will be here when you need/want us.

The ups and downs of emotions are hard to figure out when hormonal changes are in effect. It's very difficult to figure out what really works or helps as everyone is different. The ability to concentrate and the need to withdraw are all part of the 'symptoms' of the process. It's the shits, just plain and simply. Rhinebeck is overwhleming even when you are people/party oriented and the room for Winebeck was just TOO small! The lobby was more relaxing and it was easier to breath, too. Next time I go (2008?) we'll take some time to hang out quietly together.

I have the same problem with crowds, even Eau Claire was a bit much for me, I can't imagine what effect Rhinebeck would have had.

Aw Vick! You know, I was telling my friend about the weekend and I told her that this year definitely wasn't last year. The bloom was off the rose, so to speak. It was humongous. HUGE. And parts of the weekend definitely felt like work. Member my little freak out on the desk clerk? It all made so much more sense when I got my period on Saturday. Hormones are crazy and make us crazy and you can only do or read or tincture as much as you can.

My advice? Don't be so hard on yourself (advice easier to give than receive.) This has been a rough year for you full of changes and you have to let those changes take root. Be kind to yourself. That IS taking care of you, you know. Maybe next year we'll hang out at the hotel all day on Saturday and only go to the festival on Sunday. What do you think of that? ;-)

I love you and miss you so! L, C

Boy, I can totally relate to what you posted about being overwhelmed with meeting cyber folks...........I'm a bit of an introvert, too, and am also shy, so I'm sure that it will be problematic for me to meet so many people at once. But, I have a feeling that a lot of our friends in blogland suffer from the same affliction.....
How about when we meet, we agree to both have a hot flash at the same time? All I have to do is just think hot, and I'm good for one. That'll break the ice.

That's why you need to travel the country and meet all of us in small group settings. ;)

I am your sister PeriMenopausal(p)Sycho. I think one of the reasons I'm so quiet lately is I just can't cope with everything. And as for being overwhelmed at Rheinbeck, I wanted to go, but after reading everyone's accounts and seeing the photos, I thought, "I have enough yarn and know enough people." I don't think I could have taken it, and would have felt as out of the groove as you did. Besides, next year, you could travel to CA and we could go on a yarn crawl. I can think of a dozen places we could go...

Nice job on the moebius, and fantabulous color!

I know exactly what you mean, being a fellow dyed-in-the-wool ;-) introvert. I don't "do" crowds, and would have joined you in the barn (albeit perhaps a different section of the barn). Don't beat yourself up, and have a hot cuppa tea.

I finally succumbed to my doctor's recommendation of hormone replacement, after trying numerous tinctures/supplements. I'm on a low-dose of premarin, since I have my ovaries but not my uterus any longer, and it did the trick. Couldn't take the night sweats and mood swings any more. And I'm "only" 45...

Please cut Vicki some slack, 'K?

Cara has hit the nail right on the head (I was going to say "nose on the head," but I knew that wasn't right...)

The bloom IS off the rose. I wrote a post that is something like this one, only maybe a tad more bitchy, saying it's just gotten too huge so it's not as enjoyable anymore and I fear it's going to implode. But I didn't post it. It is still in draft form, and I suppose I won't post it.

Honestly, looking around blogland I often see people write, "You need to get a blog," or "She should have a blog." JESUS EFFING CHRIST, there are too many ALREADY!!! Hee. Please. Everyone who has a pulse doesn't NEED A BLOG. Stop proseletyzing! LOL.

I fully realize the hypocrisy of my position, because if not for our blogs, none of us who have grown close would know each other. It's a real Catch-22. But seriously, when the ground rumbles in a location where a blogger meetup is (LITERALLY, both last year and even more THIS year), it is a sign that it is TOO BIG. When grown women fear that a room is going to be shut down and the police might be called because of the volume...it is TOO BIG. When you can't ever go off and have a fun meal with a group of friends that is not smaller than 45 people -- it is TOO BIG. And YET, I dislike being exclusive and WANT to include all my best friends -- all 450 of them. LOL

alright, i got mobieus envy...i have to get the moby mogul to help me. and darling. only cause the stuff is hitting close to home--are you getting your regular gyn check ups? please do. rhinebeck was very crowded and, in many ways, i was quite happy to be down the road a bit. :) Hang in there sweets.

I am glad to see you got the moebius straightened out (ha! get it?!)

Rhinebeck is/was big. There is nothing wrong with allowing as much of it 'in' as you want - which is also saying there is nothing wrong with keeping as much of it 'out' as you want. That is the main reason I didn't do the bingo or the meetup - I knew it would be too damn much for me. And as you know all too well, I was pretty damn cranky there on Saturday.

try not to over analyze it Vicki - it is was it is and we are who we are. And at the end of the day we had a great time.

Hooray for the moebius! I'm so glad you finally got it, I'll bet that makes you feel great. You've gotten some good advice about this past weekend. I really enjoyed our time together and certainly don't want you to think you weren't "social" enough. You were wonderful.

Awww, sorry Vicki. I don't think you're at all inadequate. Your brother's accident and the recovery period are things that take time to deal with emotionally, and to add your menopausal changes into that as well, of course you're feeling conflicted about things.

Like DebbieB said, cut yourself some slack. And be kind to yourself. You are an amazing person. I know that for a fact.

I love the colours in your Mobeius, glad you got it fixed.
Hormones are completely sh*tty, they get in the way of everything.
I am sorry you felt overwhelmed on your trip but surely if you had fun then it doesn't matter how much or how little you participated. I am SO getting better at saying NO to joining in on things that make me feel uncomfortable, just because I think I should. Take care and have a good weekend.

I hear you. I recognized lots of bloggers but just couldn't approach. It's wierd and I'm shy! (not to mention menopausal, but we won't go there). I would like to be a part of the "group" but it IS all about the fiber...Just do the right thing for YOU!

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