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07 April 2006

Who knows?

Dsc06800_1I am getting so excited about Fibonacci!  Alexandra has some other cute designs (go see!) and she's also the designer of the popular Soleil.

I made this mess into neat little yarn cakes on Wednesday!  Last night, I knit a big swatch (uh-huh, a swatch!) and it will soon be time for pencil, paper, calculator and (probably) Excel!  Now, I'm not 100% sure I'm going to knit this exactly as written -- I'm thinking that I'll still knit a raglan but I may do it in pieces, from the bottom up, rather than on a circ from the top down.  The circs and I just don't get along and nothing would spell UFO to this sweater more than c-i-r-c-u-l-a-r.  (My Tivoli -- which isn't even called that anymore -- is a shining tarnished tarnishing example.)  Also, while I'll be using the same Fibonacci sequence for the stripes, I will be using seven different colors of yarn rather than five, in this order (I think):

Dark Green/Gray, Orange, Tan, Rust, Spring Green, Red, Gold

I'm still working on Trellis -- knitting both fronts at the same time.  I didn't get to the sock last night, and eventually I'll have to stop ignoring the shrug...

* * * * *

My brother called me last night.  I think he missed me!!  I'd been worried about the ride home -- he had to wear the brace and it's over an hour from the hospital to their home and it's spring in Wisconsin (which means that bumps in the road and potholes are EVERYWHERE!).  Apparently, I needn't have worried because he told me that he actually fell asleep in the car!  I'm chalking that up to my SIL's good driving and Michael's apparent ease in a motor vehicle -- not remembering, but being aware of what happened to him (he has not seen any pictures or read any accounts of the accident, and doesn't want to yet -- not 'til his bones heal -- or maybe never, but he does ask questions about it and talk about it from time to time).  There was a very happy reunion with his dog.  Said dog was curled up at his feet when we spoke, hadn't left Mike's side -- except for a walk, which Mike meant to do, but he'd fallen asleep.  Sleep and rest are still so very important.

* * * * *

So, who knows?  Cassie's post, The secret life of a blogger, was interesting to read the other day; she wrote about things that cross my mind frequently -- some more than others, some more lately than previously.  I started to leave a comment, but, as so often happens, I was distracted, and now it's much more than a comment... more like a big, ol' ramble!

My kids know about the blog, but Katie's the only one who reads -- and it's semi-regularly, at that (and I am thrilled beyond all reason when she leaves a comment).  DH knows -- he thinks it's cool and has even met some of my "blog friends," but he is not a regular reader (I'm not sure he could even find the blog).  I kept the blog secret even from them -- the people I live with -- for a while.  I eventually told one of my sisters after about a year.  She told blurted it out to our dad (of all people!) and to my youngest sister (who is very envious of my "blog friends" and wants some of her own) and to some of her friends -- they all think it's cool, but completely overwhelming.  None of them read very often (some -- dad? -- maybe never).  The blog is not really a secret, but I've learned that -I- would rather be the one to tell people about it, if I want them to know.  None of my "real" friends know.  I, too, have all these new "knitter friends" from the far corners, and I, too, have more contact on a regular basis with some of them than with "real" friends, and I, too, have traveled to meet up with them -- I've got to wonder (too) where my mom thinks they've come from...

I shot daggers at my sister the first time I heard her mention my blog to someone (dad).  All sorts of thoughts ran through my head and she retorted, enthusiastically, "What?  It's you and it's fun and you haven't written anything to be ashamed or embarrassed about."  She was right -- and now I can't.  ; )

At first, I was quite cautious about my identity and location, careful about photographs and things.  Not that I've actually spelled it out anywhere, that I know of, but I'm not bent on complete and total anonymity.  I think I'd make an excellent detective or secret agent -- I can keep secrets and be very stealthy and hold things close to the vest -- I'm quiet and cautious and a little shy, but I'm just not secretive, and I don't blog that way; it's not a natural approach for me.  I know my blog personality is a little different than my real life personality -- I can be a little more "out there" on the blog -- but, you know, I'm ALWAYS fooling myself into thinking that I'm "out there" ALL the time, in ALL my personalities, and I'm really not.  (I'll bet y'all really want to meet (all of) me(s) now, huh?  Heh.)  I'm such a stick-in-the-mud wallflower and I always have to push and stretch myself to participate!  However, I do have it on good authority that I sound different on the blog.  ; )

Yeah, yeah, about my kids and the dangers of the internet and all the bad people...  well, I don't live my life in fear, either.  In fact, I refuse to live in fear and I have never modeled that for my kids; caution, yes; knowledge, yes; communication, yes; fear, no. You better believe I am sometimes afraid -- sometimes frozen with fear -- for my kids, myself, my neighborhood, my world -- and, oh, it would be so much easier to be a hermit... but that's not living.  I live, I blog, I blog (some of) what I live.

Six weeks ago, my brother was in a terrible accident and I blogged it.  I blogged most of it (not all) every day of the however many weeks in ICU, the surgeries, the rehab and recovery -- I couldn't imagine not blogging at all and there was nothing but that to blog for a while; those were my only choices.  I briefly questioned whether I should.  Because of the blogging, he will soon be the recipient of a blanket made up of squares knit by many knitters, spearheaded and sewn together by the generous Christine, in conjunction with a blanket project she had going for her brother.  It's one thing when I receive the occasional package in the mail from a blog friend, but how in the world was I going to explain an entire blanket for my brother?  Everyone watched me knit the single, solitary sock in the hospital waiting room, they know it isn't even BLUE.  (Abracadabra!  Let me pull this sock out of my hat...!)  I couldn't just present a blanket out of thin air (and, besides, I want to tell my brother about the squares and the knitters!), so I told my SIL about both the blogging and the blanket.  Not only that, I copied and formatted all my blog entries about the accident and what I'd written about my brother and printed and bound them for her to read (and eventually share with my brother) -- and I also offered to delete or modify them online if, for some reason, she wanted it that way (thank goodness, she didn't).  Yep, handed her the blog on a silver platter.

I both censor what I write here and I don't.  This is not the place for airing out any of my laundry -- maybe on another blog.  This one is mostly about knitting and, most of the time, how knitting relates to my life and, in some ways, about how knitting has changed my life -- the new friends and the travel.  The dreaming...  My sister is right, though, I have nothing to be ashamed of here.  Some people may not really get it, might even think it's stupid, but hey, whatever; the tables can always be turned in that game.

So, those are some of my thoughts on my blog -- and the who and the what they know.  Interestingly, I still have not told my mother, in so many words, about the blog.  Mom hears talk about the blog, she hears my sister lament the lack of blog friends (and sis knows it's directly related to the lack of a blog), she knows about the blanket that "my knitter friends are making," and she was with me when I bought the pink yarn for Grace's blanket squares the other day -- if she has questions, she's keeping them to herself.

Comments

Our on-line friends are so very real. I can hardly call them imaginary like some do. We are connected in so many ways. Giving, encouraging, helping, and true friendships make us a very tight(ly knit) community. We are all so lucky. It never entered my head to be anonomous on my blog and in the beginning was shy about showing my face (I'm so much older than most bloggers) but in the end it is about fun and I have no fear, either. If it makes you feel better, I'm so NOT ZEN;-)

It's interesting, this whole phenomenon of blogging and the strange anonymity of it. I have made a few conscious choices in presenting myself on my blog - one is that I don't generally post about my school or my job, partly because that's not what I really think of my blog as being for, and partly because I don't like the idea of someone stumbling on stuff about that or stumbling upon me when looking for stuff like that. I am aware, sometimes of censoring myself a bit when it comes to that stuff, but a lot of that I think is about keeping the blog generally positive and not diverging too much from the fiber pursuits. Which, of course, is why my blog tends to go dark every so often when school or work takes over.

I've thought about the same things - anonymity and how much to share - and I agree 100% with you about caution, knowledge, communication and fear. I want to protect my family but I also want to live my life to the fullest and not live it in fear. The existence of my blog has also been shared with folks I may not have wanted to but I put it out there so I really can't complain. Thanks for another great post.

I will be working feverishly on the blankets this weekend. Glad to hear that Mike is home - ah, dog at his feet.......(teary)........

I agree with every word you wrote about blogging........

I'm glad to hear Mike is home and doing well.
I loved your post even although I don't blog I did take some stick from my husband and kids when meeting up with some "virtual friends", which I have to say felt perfectly normal and was great fun. I love the knitterly community!

i discovered your blog from someone elses and love your writing. i have a knitting blog and another life blog (about my other obsession - music).

my best wishes to your brother - i missed out on the squares but will be doing some for Grace. i can only imagine how that must be! he is truly blessed to be alive!

and i am inspired by your williamsro - that will be on my long list now as it looks so much better on you than in the book!

keep writing - there are many of us who are reading!

I've been lucky enough to have spent the last few days with friends I've met through the blogs (I MISSED YOU!!!) and while someone might insist on calling me an Internet friend, they are REAL friends to me. Would it make much of a difference if I had met them all in a knitting circle or on online? Meeting people is meeting people. It's what you do with those relationships - how they progress and grow - how precious they become - that defines them in the end. Not how they were started. (Although it does make a good story.)

I'm so glad your sister-in-law doesn't mind the blog - and I'm sure your brother and sil will be so touched by the blanket. I don't hide my blog from my family at all and no one reads it. Not even G.

I'm so glad your brother is home safe and sound. Did you know your body uses 75% of it's energy to heal? So yeah...sleep is good!

My family doesn't know about my blog. They probably would think it's weird that write so much on my blog and rarely talk with them because I'm usually too busy. But for me, I do a lot of it early in the morning and during nap time. It's MY time. I think most of my friends know about my blog but I don't think they read it. I think they think it's just knitting stuff.

I've also met some of my best friends through the whole online world! It works for me.

I'm glad Mike is doing better.

Sometimes I wish I had kept my blog a secret. For one, I can't post about gift knitting!!

Vicki, man. I love you.

Great entry! I love this subject. I am very discrete about my blog. I've only told a few close friends and family members about it and that's all I intend to tell. But like you, I don't feel that I'm being secretive. I think there's a difference.

hmm, I am a fairly new blogger and largely started at my sister's insistance so she could live vicariously through my life. She comments from time to time and I know she reads it. My mother also reads it but never comments and I am not sure how often. But I rarely mention it to others. My sister mentioned a friend of a friend's blog and I asked how they were talking about it. She was telling the friend about my blog. I didn't know how I felt, but it is out there and she is proud of me, so...

Glad to hear Michael is home.

Hi Vicki. I’m so glad to hear that your brother is home and his pup is not leaving his side … it makes me smile.

Thank you, also, for sharing your thoughts about your blog and the friends you have made because of it and through it. I don’t presently have a blog, but am hoping to create one in the next few months. For the last few years, however, I have been a moderator at an online forum where I have met many people and have grown particularly close to one, in particular. She and I have met – I traveled to Texas to stay with her for a few days in 2004. My family was not overly keen on this and failed to understand the friendship we had formed. In fact, I dare say they really still don’t understand it. At any rate, I understand where you are coming from insofar as wanting to share, yet wanting to keep it to yourself. It’s all sort of surreal, really. That said, I am grateful for the friendships I have formed and for the opportunity to have met so many new friends in this community of knitters through these blogs – sans my own, even! Thanks for sharing your love for knitting and everything in between here. :-)

I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know how glad I am that your bro' is doing so well, and defying all expectations. I've wanted so many times since you first told us about the accident to give you my best wishes; to let you know I was thinking about all of you; to give whatever comfort I could. But this is *my* hangup over blogging/online contacts; it feels presumptious to do so on the basis of a few exchanged comments. I know well-wishes are seldom unwelcome, but...

On a lighter note, I originally tried keeping separate knitting, sewing and 'real life' blogs, but decided in the end to combine them, as I didn't post regularly enough to justify three of them. Besides, I decided that the blogs I personally enjoyed the most tend to flavour the knitting anecdotes with the writer's actual life. So I should try to write what I enjoy to read.

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