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18 March 2005

Delirium

I threw out my flowerpot ashtray and broke 12 cigarettes into the trash can last night.  Like Ann, I slapped on a patch this morning.  Like Ann, I didn't usually have my first cigarette for more than an hour after waking up in the morning.  Like Ann, I won't be wearing the patch at night.  Like Ann, your emails and comments of support and encouragement are making a HUGE difference in how I feel about all this.  I guess I'm a lot like Ann.  And that's just fab, because I like Ann!

This is hard, and I'm being tested right off the bat.   There's bad, bad news affecting someone close to me (not a relative, but damn close) and I'm taking so many deep breaths this morning that I feel as if I'm in labor.

In my nicotine withdrawal delirium, I actually decided that I am in a labor of sorts; giving birth to a different me.  I'm feeling testy now, as I did then, too.  I can't help but remember what I yelled at said to my breathing coach husband, shortly before the birth of our eldest, "Dammit, I know how to breathe!!"  And I did.  And I am.  And I still congratulate myself for not telling him to fuck off, as my sister said to hers.  That very same sister, after being very noncommittal, has decided to join in the quit!  She got the date mixed up, though, so her morning email began like this:  Am I a frickin' day early??  (Notice how she's cleaned up her act since motherhood?)  She is the most competitive of my siblings, though, so once she realizes that she'll forever be able to say that she quit before me, she'll be fine.

So, anyway, breathing, breathing, breathing!  And now on to brighter things...

Birthday Shoes!  Way back on the 4th, I posted about some shoes that Kt was eyeing up for her birthday.  They were on sale at anthropologie (item 45182) and when I tried to order them that day, they only had three pair, all size 11.  About a week later, Kt sent me an email and said that they had a pair of 8-1/2s (still not her size, but close enough to try) (and she's such a shoe ho' that she was checking back everyday!)!  So I ordered 'em and they were in yesterday's mail and they fit and she's just thrilled.  They're unusual, they're red, they came with their own fabric bag!  Whew, one birthday gift down, two to go.

Also in the mail was something that I referred to all night as my "Knitting Prescription" -- self-prescribed -- the spring Rowan mag and my renewal gift.  The yarn is Cork; I don't care for the capelet pattern, am thinking of using it for something for baby.  Kt loves everything in the mag and, having just completed everything but the brim of the Newsboy Cap (and the Point 5 commissioned scarf, which was very well received), seems eager to spread her knitting wings further.  Shoe ho', yarn snob, that first labor resulted in a lovable monster!

The forecast is for 3 to 7 inches of stupid snow, maybe more, between now and tomorrow afternoon.  This is our weekend away!  We may have to change our plans a bit.  As long as DH & I can get to Green Bay tomorrow (and it's not all that far away), we'll be fine; I'll be happy if all I do is soak in the whirlpool, knit, read, and have my massage on Sunday morning.

Sunday is my first blogiversary!  It's been an incredible year, 290 posts in 365 days, innumerable new "friends."  My first comments came on April 1st and can you guess who left them?  Kathaleenie and Ann.  That's just so cool.

On Monday, I'll be answering Terby's Blog-a-Thon questions, which seems like a good way to kick off a new year.  I have to answer one of her questions right now, though, unofficial and off the record:  What song are you secretly singing to yourself?  Well, this one (between giggles).

Happy Weekend.

Comments

Ok, I've never smoked so I can't give you any good advice or anything for quitting. But for motivation, just think of all the stash money you're going to have!

I'll be sending you good quitting vibes!

And Happy (2 days before your) Blogiversary!

Happy Blogoversary and KEEP BREATHING!! Hugs to you.

Oh Vicki I am so proud of you! YOU CAN DO IT! Just think about that healthier you! Blog about it lots, the good times and the bad and we'll all be here to support you. Sending lots of love and good thoughts

Happy blog-versary. (I just check and I'm a day less than a week behind you. Wow!)

From what I remember about labor and the breathing thing, the breathing gave me something to concentrate on. So find your concentration point, 'cause you are totally able to do this!

Happy blog-i-versary to you!

You can do this smoking-quitting thing! Sending strenthining thoughts your way!

I hope everything is okay! And I hope you are doing well today. I saw Ann at the shop this morning and she was doing good. :) I bet you are too. Happy Blogiversary...a couple of days early. What an honor to be among the first to comment...and with another favorite blogger of mine. Take care Vicki! I know you can do it!

Happy Blogiversary!!!

Hope the weather holds out so you can have a GREAT relaxing weekend.

You're doing fabulously...I know YOU CAN DO THIS!

Have a fantastic,smoke free,weekend ! Keep breathing...

Your idea of a weekend away and mine match perfectly. I hope it all goes as you hope.

I nearly broke my sister's hand when she was holding it during the birth of my daughter. Hands are here, if you want to hold them during your labor.

Point one: I bought some starburst in your honor today. A big bag, too. With every chew I will think of you and send some will-power vibes your way. You should have a big shot of will-power for about the next day; I really love starburst, and they won't last long. :)

Point two: I have scheduled my Locks of Love donation haircut for May 14th. I'm also going to try to raise the money it takes to make it into a wig. Hopefully soon I'll have a link on my page to donate. Check back tomorrow.

You sound good and strong! I am also send good vibes your way. You *can* do this!

OK, make that "sending" ...duh!

Happy Blogiversary!

Woo-Hoo for You!! Day One is almost under your belt and with bad news hitting close to home, it is an even greater challenge to conquer! Good for you Vicki! I hope you manage to get away for your weekend, but if you are snowbound, I am sure someone in that house would be more than happy to give you a massage!

ps. love those shoes!

I'm on my seventh week with patches (but i needed the 24 hr ones, a real chain smoker!). It is dreadful for two weeks, then it gets easier. jsut bear with it. try sucking a straw (with your finger over half of it to imitate inhaling) or sour sweets. I think I sighed a lot (still am sighing). I kept motivated thinking of how much easier my life will be without ciggies. Going to the cinema, museums, restaurants, knitting groups! Good luck!
Dawn

Ooohh.....sister competition......this may just be the ticket that helps both of you to quit. Hang in there.......I'm sure the first week has to be the hardest. You CAN do it :-)).

I love your daughters shopping page! Looks just like an online store that my daughter would just love.

Hmm...I'm sorry you are getting snow, but I'm really NOT sorry that it is snowing somewhere other than here....LOL!

Hang in there with the quitting thing! I'm thinking of ya!

You know the snow that we were supposed to get last night? Well, I got to drive through it on our way to Wausau this weekend. I'm at the hotel right now resting from the whiteknuckled drive. I don't think there are any snowplows north of Green Bay! GGGGGRRRRR

We are here for a basketball tournament. Here's hoping the girls play well!

You are doing great! If you can make it past day three you are home free. It is all easier after that.

Go Vicki...you can do this! Very proud of you!

So you are now a quitter knitter. Hurray for you! I was once a smoker, so I know exactly what it takes to break the habit. It is no small thing. But it is absolutely the right thing. You go girl.

here's some more incentive to keep quitting: my mother had cancer of the bladder afer fourty years of smoking several packs a day. For two years she had to get up out of bed every hour to go pee because her bladder was so small and so irritated from the treatment. Imagine never sleeping more than an hour at a time. (remember when they were newborns? wanna do that again?)

Help me. I know I need to quit, again. The patch really works for me, I just wish they didn't cost more than cigarettes. I have finally lost a bunch of weight, somehow by accident or by having a very stressful life, and I fear I will gain it back if I quit now. Gawd, I do this to myself every time. Pre-quitting angst. Good luck. I will be checking back.

You must be almost finished with day three by now. Woo hoo! Go Vicki! Just cheering on from the sidelines.

Vicki, I'm so sorry I haven't written to give you my support, I've been wicked busy but I've been reading and thinking of you. You can do this. Some day you will be positively ill just from the smell of cigarettes and will wonder how you ever got hooked in the first place. I think you should start a savings fund-every pack of cigarettes you don't buy should be that much money toward yarn or knitting purchases! I don't have any good advice-I quit cold turkey and gutted it out, but my hubby did it with me so we had each other to lean on. Think about how nice you'll smell, how much extra money you will have, how nice your skin will look and how much healthier you will be. Oh, and know that your family and friends, real and web, are rooting for you!

Just found your blog today and enjoyed it.

Quit-smoking tip: I had the same problem, missing the 5-minute break-and-regroup feeling provided by my smoke breaks. This is what I tried instead, and because it's orally-fixated, it worked.

Take a NO-cigarette break at the very same points in the day when you ordnarily crave a smoke break. Step outside as you would do to smoke (the act of changing location puts you in the changing-mood gear). Pop a Tic Tac, Altoid, etc. in your mouth, and do what you would normally do, think what you would normally think, during a smoke break. When the mint is gone (suck, don't chew), you are done with your "smoke break."

Worked for me and I quit cold turkey. No nicky patches or such.

Good luck,

Dez

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